September 28, 2015

Fall is here in Paris. The last few days have been bright and warm on your face but still cool enough to be snug in your coat.

24 hours at the fairy farm and we stepped back out of our dream into bustling grungy paris with only the mud on our boots to remind us that it was in fact real. (Amel and I) We ate our crepes and recounted the experience both asking ourselves if that was a life we could live. After naps and refreshing ourselves and we arrived at an artists squat celebrating art/music/poetry and spent the evening doing the social dance of kissing cheeks and missing lips. I’ve been printed (again) in PLU’s magazine and two of my all time favorite photos. Two that represent my personal growth and journey. I am so proud to of myself to embrace these moments and now have it there for the rest of world and time to consider it.

Last day in Paris.. I’m off to photograph a sweet family I met through the photography world (in romania.brizilian.livesinSwitzerland). This is my international life… This is my life. My world is so (grand) small.

September 21, 2015

It’s Monday and I started the day off with a massage. My body aches and my phone tells me I’ve walked 25 miles in the last 3 days. Damn.

Three cities, two engagement sessions and a wedding. Planes, trains, buses and automobiles. Exhausting but surprisingly I am able to roll with it without skipping a beat. Funny how more things just make it possible to handle more.

Red eye to Paris tonight. I land and hangout with Amel. I have a loose but set schedule for the week. I can’t wait to see my city again.

Yesterday was a hint of fall and a quiet Sunday in Manhatten. Picnic in central park and Polaroid snap shots at Bethesda’s fountain. Little boats on the water as the sun was getting sleepy and we grabbed a taxi and taco’s on a midtown east rooftop as it went to bed. Never enough time here. I have so many people I didn’t get to see. I don’t return until…. maybe late spring. For sure next August. Sad….

A very tame visit to NYC this time. All work and all walking. haha.. Lovely without the crazy. And that is ok.

September 16, 2015

36 hours in Boston and I loved it. Shocking? Not really, but I didn’t realized how charming the city really was. I walked 8 hours – starting from Chinatown through the downtown, up to North Side over to water front, down through boston commons followed by some shopping in beacon hill. Took the red line over to Cambridge and saw Harvard and MIT. A walk along the Charles river at sunset topped the day off.

September 11, 2015

I went out last night to attend a meet up group happy hour for east bay folks. I had been saying to myself for a while now that I need to get to know Oakland myself, without the help of dates. It may offer a more sustaining experience. has been good to me in the past so I jumped in and signed up for as many things as possible. I finally forced myself to go last night. As I was walking up to the bar I realized that I had made it that far but now I was going to have to introduce myself to groups of people as a complete loner. That really is not that easy to do. “Hi my name is Sarah I am new here..” and just smile and laugh and be aloof but engaging. Seems simple right?
My first table was a group of 3 woman – all in their late 30’s. I asked them if they are also there for the meet up – yes but no, but yes. They also were there for a meet up event but not the same one. They were friendly but not.. almost put off by my friendliness. After a few minutes of conversation they disbanded to head home. I made my way over to what looked like a younger group of people and just introduced myself. Turns out there weren’t related to the meet up at all but just work colleagues there for an afterwork drink. They were also wierded out but friendly but were about to leave to and welcomed me to Oaktown. I finally identified the leader for the meetup I had signed up for in the corner talking with a table of 8 people. I walked up and introduced myself and received a few very enthusiastic hellos. I started chatting with them and after about 10 mins one of the ladies turns to me and says “you know there are groups for people more your age”… I realized she was saying I was too young to be hanging out with late 30/ early 40 year olds. ….. And all of a sudden I wanted to go home.
I finished my beer said goodbye to the new faces I had met and then started the walk back to my car. It was a really beautiful evening and as I walked by the Fox theatre the lines of people waiting to get into the show were slowly shuffling by. I spied a taco shop and in a split second decision popped to the other side of the street. I greeted the gal behind the counter with a probably over enthusiastic “hello” as my beer I had just finished had settled inside me. She gave this big yawn at the same moment she went to reply and embarrassed tried to recover with a hello. I smiled, ordered and started to lament lightly to her my awkward evening of the weird unfriendly meetup group. She asked me how long I had been in Oakland and then said to not leave until she can come chat with me. As I ate my tacos she popped by, got my info and said “I’m going to introduce you to some friends”. So sweet! As I walked out of the place with a happy little bounce she came out the side door saying she was off of work and headed home. Our cars were in the same direction so we chatted about Oaktown and this and that as we walked. I asked her if she had been to the starline social club and she said she knew the owner. It was just around the corner so we popped in and grabbed a booth. (NEW FAVORITE PLACE BTW.) Drinks, chats laughs and a few hours later we walked out of there exchanging numbers. Her name? Sarah.

September 8, 2015

Damnit. 2 am and still not sleepy.

Allowed me the time to reread the last year of my life on this blog.
Synopsis – Paris and travel makes me happy. Dating does not.

and.. I’m an incredibly emotional being. Can I get a xanax over here? Someone needs to sedate me. Good god..

Also, I like my stories. The way I write them. It seems this style of writing only seems to happen when traveling though.

Also, I need to not be so hard on myself. I have so much to offer. I am not for everybody. But I am a lot to a few people. And that is enough.

September 8, 2015

For the life of me I cannot sleep tonight. Maybe too many thoughts swirling in my brain. Maybe the coffee I had a 5pm. Womp womp.

Convos yesterday about sex and dating and the internet dating age. Why am I so lucky to be dating at this time in the world?! *sarcasm* For someone that is learning how to do it as a grown adult and then there are the extra challenges of social abnormalities that are now the norm of this modern age. Great.

I attended a bbq for labor day at a place in the mission. I arrived with my talented lovely high school art teacher single girl friend to a house full of guys who have great jobs, their own places, are in the prime of their life and all single. Basic conversations were somehow awkward and or strained. There was no effort made by any of the guys to “get to know her” – Inquiries or conversation of any sort. It’s so much easier to pick out your date on an app based on a photo then it is to try and engage a girl emotionally in person. What is this world I live in?

I am nowhere near being perfect and or ready to contribute to a relationship in a positive and uplifting way. I see too much the crazy/sad being I am. Maybe a decent guy would encourage the right and positive thoughts emotions instead of the self conscience self loathing ones I feel after a “date”. It is possible.. but not in the world I see before me and that I am currently living. How far can this downward spiral last in our society? We shall see.

Things that have been said to me:
” maybe you should consider dating someone less good looking ”
” maybe you should consider that you need to stay still in order to date someone ”

Basic rules for dating –
You’re supposed to wait for the guy to text you, ask you out, make a move, continue to pursue you. At any moment that you take this initiative into your own hands, respond to eagerly or too quickly or even at all… its over.

I honestly wish I could completely block it out of my mind and thought process. Focus my time and energy on something so much more lucrative. Which God or universe do I have to ask to remove this from my being?

September 3, 2015

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do With your one wild and precious life?” ― Mary Oliver

I haven’t wanted to write at all this year. I’m so tired of hearing myself say the same things over and over again.
but here I am
7 weeks until I leave for asia.

2.5 weeks until Paris.

I already have more international euro trips on the horizan for 2016.
I also have been leaning towards south america for next fall. Machu Picchu is calling my name.

India is too, but its not time yet.

My room is now set. It is everything I want and need. decor, cozy, simplicity and function.
Perhaps its too cozy bc I dont want to get out of bed in the morning. More on that another time.

Off to a concert with the british boy. Taking things at face value.. it keeps me content.

August 19, 2015

“So when your hopes on fire
But you know your desire
Don’t hold a glass over the flame
Don’t let your heart grow cold
I will call you by name
I will share your road”

LA for 24 hours and seeing one of my favorite bands live in concert. Birthday wishes from all over the world. Literally.
Purchased new pretty towels. Grocery shopped for yummy eats. My girlfriends are coming down for the weekend to celebrate and explore with me.
I went for a run around Lake Merritt as the sun was setting. My bank account is full. I bought my plane ticket from/to/Tokyo/Taipai.
British boy sent me an video message from London. Happy clients from two hard days work to the point reaffirmed with emails and cash tips.

This is your life.

July 27, 2015

Today I recounted the breaking point to an inquiring new and dear friend. Talking about it is easy now, but when I get into it I begin to feel the weight of what had past come to my throat. It’s nice to hear them say and acknowledge the heart break and pain. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was painful.

Yesterday I was post wedding recovery and brunch/bloody marys with the Nash’s downtown. We talked about Hawaii for Christmas. C’est possible! I removed Australia from my itinerary for the fall. I’m going to focus on just Asia. I feel like I want a fuller / singular experience there. I cannot wait.

I’ve been casually dating thanks to dating apps. I’m not going for a record but I have had 4 dates in one week and two in one night. haha.. It’s been fun and boring and interesting and sweet. It’s weird to have the mindset of “unintentional” dating. Basically I just need to not care about the person I’m seeing. Why do I get attached so easily?

I climbed a tree with a british boy. We rendezvous’d to soak up the evening sun and drink beers on the edge of Lake Merritt. We both rode our bikes there. We talked of Seville and London and the light in Scotland. He’s a little shy and stutters out of nervousness a little when about to speak. He’s only been here a few months. Oakland is new to us both.

Two months here now. I’m headed out to Texas/Florida/New York next week for 10 days. Work and fun. I am grateful for this life.

Quotes collected recently

“She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look like nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

“Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”

“He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing.”

July 14, 2015

Today I must edit three sessions, practice my uke before my teacher arrives and meet a guy I met online for drinks.

Marci congratulated me on my “casual” dating. Thanks.

Oakland has been a rough transition. I have been working so much I have had no time to socialize/make new friends here and so when I do have those moments of needing a familiar friendly face at the end of the day I am left without. It’s been a productive month of shooting/editing.. but a lonely one for sure.

I’m setting my intention to “be” more graciously and without so much expectation.