January 23, 2015

I should have known better. I didn’t heed my own warnings to other people and I am now living the consequences of a friendship/business relationship gone awry.

So.. I don’t have a car anymore. The feeling of utter helplessness when my “freedom and independence” are ripped out from beneath me.
It left me reeling.

“You hold your truth so purely.”

Momentarily broken. Or just a reality check. Maybe a perspective change.

Regardless, I am capable and I am able. Living “this dream” is possible. To some degree or another. Just make sure to be thankful and not take people for granted along the way.

Give give give. Love love love. Be sincere. Be genuine. Be.

January 12, 2015

hmm hmm hmm.

Words collected lately.

“to travel:
falling in love with the
souls of different
cities;
becoming one with
its veins,
taking your
breath away
as you take in moments
you may never experience again;
striding to its heartbeat;
and the
butterflies; rambunctiously
fluttering,
find their way to your heart;
pricking you
with a travel bug
that lives off your desire to forever explore.”
-destiny janae

I ran a 10k race on Saturday morning. 40 degrees and 3 hours of sleep. I got a medal and I feel like I earned it. Even though my running buddy hurt her foot on mile 4 and we walked the last two miles. I felt terrible leaving her behind because of a better “time”.

A new commercial shoot has landed in my lap and I am scrambling to make it happen. 6 weddings booked this week and one cancellation. My hopes of “working fucking hard” in 2015 look to be coming true. It makes me sad to think I wont be able to travel during wedding season. I will survive. Eyes on the prize. Fall travel will prove to be amazing.

Celebrated Jess’s wedding in Florida. It was lovely and they had the most joyful ceremony I had ever seen. My cheeks hurt from the smile on my face.

December 31, 2014

This was the year of “intent”. Scotland, England, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Italy, Tunisia, Monaco (we’ll count it) . Road trip through the south of France, road trip through the Southwest. New years eve Hogmanay, Bastille day in Paris, Ramadan in Tunis, Muncheun Oktoberfest. Living in San Francisco. Living in Paris. Friends that are family. Friends getting married. Traveling with friends. Traveling alone. Forgiving the past. Living my dream job.
Time to level up. 2015… what do you have for me?

The fast paced “gypsiness” that the last 12 months held were… incredible. My mind is still trying to wrap itself around half of the things I got to see and experience. The last 6 weeks I’ve had enough downtime to reflect and all I can come up with is the disbelief of “whatttt?!! This is my life?!!”. I honestly don’t know what is next except that I have a full year of wedding clients and photo shoots here and abroad and I am so looking forward to watching this next adventure unfold. I have no regrets for chasing a crazy dream this far although the flip side of that and the sacrifices i’ve made have been not been easy. If I had it my way I’d be living in Paris right now. Who knows, maybe some day that will come to be. For now I’ll be popping back and forth between my homes. Forever restless and at completely at peace because this is where my heart lies.

December 10, 2014

i left the
baggage at
the door
not
because i
didn’t want it
anymore;
it just became
too much to
carry.

i blew the
dust off:
finally
finding
the courage to
start a new
chapter,
finding the
strength to
rebuild my
queendom
between
streams of
unparalleled
cracks
of
insecurities.

i am a
witness:
god can
make
detached
branches
fruitful
again.
-destiny janae

December 7, 2014

I was in bed at 8pm. The party started at 8pm.  I had spent the day at the hospital and the three days prior being a “mom”.  I was exhausted… but I knew I needed to be social.  I was turning into a recluse and the blues were heavy every night.  I talked myself into going, borrowed a dress from my “kid” and headed downtown.  I walked into a house where I didn’t know a single person.  By the end of it..  I, well..  I dont know why I doubt myself.  I had new friends, coffee dates, happy hour rendezvous and a smile on my face as I fell to sleep at 4am.

December 6, 2014

I can’t breath.

December 1, 2014

Baby of Marci-licious was born at 11:30pm last night.  Sweetness and photographing those tender moments just after.  So heart melting.  But my resolve of not birthing children remain. No thanks.

Much to do this winter.  As hard as it is to sit still and breathe, I need it. My heart aches for my autre maison.

Trying to figure out what to do next without rushing into it.

Currently living with a sweet family.  All the right elements.  Hugging my heart.

November 24, 2014

the german invited me to join him for Friendsgiving.  I figured why not and it would be with other people not just the two of us.. so, I agreed.

I wore this lovely flowy black maxi skirt and a denim top. I was fancy fied compared to everyone else.

It started light with dinner and wine..  then ping pong in the back yard, followed by beer pong.  We lost.  At some point the cops came and asked us to turn down the music.  At some point someone dared me to jump in the pool.  They jumped first, then I followed.  Off of the roof of the house.  I pushed the german in the pool.  His phone and his pride were soaked. ( He replaced it today. Cost him $400. He wants to take me to a movie tonight. ) We danced in the living room until 5am.  Friendsgiving.

ha..

November 20, 2014

Ginger molasses cookies in the oven, new damien rice on my spotify and edits uploading.  Fall is here.  Rain, cold toes and christmas sales beckoning my empty wallet.

I applied for an apartment in Sacramento.  Anxiety wrapped my brain as I stared at the application for almost an hour.  This is not what I want.  I’m visiting a friend in the bay tomorrow. Maybe this will prove more promising.

 

November 7, 2014

Howdy.

I arrived in Houston and snuggled my besty.  I have missed her so.

We sat on the couch and I told her some of my crazy stories. Some funny. Some sad.  As I told the story I watched her eyes go big with surprise. Heard her laugh at the appropriate climax and then cry with me as I ended another chapter of yet another saga.   We have been together for some of the craziest moments of each others lives so far.  She feels like home.

FC conference – great. Not great. Needed. A waste of time.   Much to do on the photography front of things.  Much to do…

More thoughts on this later.

I spent an hour looking at flights for – Australia, Japan, Thailand, India and Romania.   I am insatiable.