March 27, 2015

A weekend baby shower in Paris and then an early morning flight to Romania. I took the bus for 9 leie = $2.50. I had booked a room at the intercontinental. It was cozy, not too expensive and I’m glad for the time and space to be a little bit introverted. I walked through the city a bit but it was freezing cold that day and I was eager to take a nap.
The conference kicked off with a networking cocktail hour and I met a handful of people from all over – California, Belgium, the UK, Romania, Switzerland seemed to be the groups that I ended up hanging out with the rest of the time there.
Day two was filled with a few great speakers and a few so so speakers. Good reminders to work harder, CREATE, edit your vision, capture moments moments moments. What is a lovely photo.. what is a stagnant photo, what is a powerful photo. I am reminded and humbled. Tell a story – with a hand.. with texture. Tell a story.

The group of us went to dinner and had a few beers that of course led to more beers and dancing until three in the morning. Some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Free as a bird.. what is it about me in these moments? haha.. When I walked in the next day every one that had been there the night before turned to be like “YOU! Girl you are so fun!” haha.. ughh…..

And boom.. my world was just again expanded on the international level. I now have friends within and two hour train ride that share my heart and vision for life in pursuing this passion called life/photography.

Today is – Detox. For my body and my work.

Cheers!

March 19, 2015

I am moony eyed and giggly. I suppose considering with the shift in weather the spring twitterpation has overcome me. I’m doing my best not to let it spill all over the place and onto everyone. I’m unsuccessful it seems.

Two days in Belgium and we didn’t want to leave. We arrived in an efficient manner and found our airbnb with ease. Brussels was charming, calm, friendly and walkable. I feel that we saw a large amount of the city in the two days we were there and successfully attacked the local fare – Waffles, beer, chocolate, mussels, fries and etc! I had a great time with Amel and I do think we make good travel partners. Maybe I should look into visa’s for brussels… hm.

Back in Paris and the launch of the new project with Lowepro. It’s exciting to be a part of it even though I’m not really sure what that all entails. We shall see. For now it is international klout. I’ll take it.

After a crazy weekend in Paris of late nights dancing and drinking followed by two days in Brussels I needed a day in. I didn’t leave the house at all yesterday and I got oh so much work done.

Once again I have proven to myself that I am a woman that can “have it all” haha…

{Friday night in Paris with Amel – fancy cocktails (who knew they existed in Paris!) followed by divey french bar drinks joined by Kristin. It was 2am already and we decided to check out my discoteque in my old neighborhood. On the way we were followed by a few young cuties who were of course destroyed when we weren’t interested in more than a dance. We left before they could figure it out seeing as it was almost 3:30 in the morning and on the way we passed my dear Plein Soleil cafe which was “closed” / chairs stacked high curtains shut but with american 90′s hip hop and mariah carey and light seeping out of the cracks. We found a door and were welcomed inside to a little private disco. Amel and I were instantly in heaven and had the best time dancing. By the time we walked home we had been escorted (again) by two young (!) cuties who had been tricked into thinking Amel was an american and I was the french speaker. It was too fun and funny and they were as sweet as it came since they were from the suburbs and “visiting Paris for the weekend”. We quickly said good bye at the door once we saw the paper delivery guy and heard the birds tweeting their good morning. oh Friday…. }

I’m afraid I’ve lost myself. Amel keeps singing “they call it looooveee”. I keep trying to remind myself to be careful and not to get attached yet. For sure it is too late. There are worse things I suppose than to be smitten with a sweet guy that actually does treat me right….

March 12, 2015

I’m sitting at the kitchen table at 46 Rue Saint Sebastian with the sun on my back. I share the space with my bed also known as the couch and my camera gear is spread across it.

It’s been a restful / lazy / productive morning. Breakfast with Amel before she headed off to work and some yoga for myself. I finished my bookings for Brussels and Romania. Ate a delicious homemade meal and ordered client albums.

This last week… (its already been a week!!) catching up with friends and clients. I brunched with my girlfriends on Sunday and serendipitously it was international womans day. 8 countries and 4 continents were represented. So cool.
I’ve had two free tours of different areas of Paris, one in Montmartre and the other exploring Sentier. It was nice to have a commitment that brought an element of new. Crazy how familiar Paris is.
Turns out the painting I was gifted is actually legit by a long standing famous irish painter. All the articles I’ve read about him online say he is nutty/crazy and well I experienced just that. haha
I went out Saturday night with Amel and Ambroise and got offered a job and Le Galway the irish pub near the Notre Dame. I laughed at the idea and then asked myself seriously,.. why not?! I don’t know if it will fit in my schedule or not, but it could be fun or at least a good story to tell.
Most of my evenings have been filled with open mic nights or late night chats with Amel. All have been lovely and uplifting.

I crave an element of new and unknown. Time for me to experience a different part of Paris I feel. I feel a little restless. Maybe because while I appreciate music, it is not mine. While I appreciate poetry, it is not mine. I will check out some photography meet ups and see what this brings me.

Tonight is coffee with Betsy and open mic with PLU. I agreed to photograph the evening. Should be fun. This weekend is a franco american meet up and then Brussels for two days.

I’ve heard from Kyle every day since i’ve been here. He has made a lot of effort(?) in being present with me while I am here. This really means a lot to me and it gives me hope.

March 7, 2015

Lunch with bretsy and their beautiful new apartment.  A day of productivity that included yoga membership, french phone, and metro pass.  Im officially a functioning local.   I napped even though i shouldnt have and made dinner for Amel and i.  We easily pass the time with a bottle of wine and conversation before we realize we must get out the door to be social.   We first stopped at an irish bar where a friend’s band is playing.  We meet some internationals and share a few drinks and laughs and head onto the next.  We arrive at Les Caves just nearby our place.  its the night of the poetry brothel and we are welcomed with red candle lit underground caverns and face painted ladies and gents sipping and canoodling in their corners.  I was asked to take photos so i snapped a few.. Had my face drawn, watched a “burlesque” act and then headed out as the dj started spinning tunes.  Amel and i stopped by the Rush for a night cap and were greeted by a drunk irish man whose paintings covered the wall.  The featured artisit i presume.  He took a fancy to me i suppose and insisted that i take one of the paintings home.  He scrawled my name on the back along with the date and finished it with his signiture.

Not til i walked away did i discover he apperantly is a big deal and the painting was worth something?

Just a regular night in Paris.

March 6, 2015

I arrived without pomp and circumstance.  Without an extra thought really.  There was no elated high upon touchdown.  No extra giggle when my passport was stamped.

I hadn’t slept on the plane and i spent the whole time thinking about Kyle.  

This is why i had decided not to date while home.  I didnt want a guy to influence my time here.  This is my time..  Paris is my space and home.  But, I am so grateful for meeting Kyle.  I’ll let retrospect have what it may in 6 weeks.  

I fell to sleep with this image of a Paris monster devouring little men aka the relationships i’ve sacrificed in order to pursue this crazy idea of a life here.   While it is true..  Those men also chose to not pursue despite the challenge of time and distance.  

I regret nothing.  

I woke up sad. Sad to be here and wishing I could have had another two weeks in California with Kyle.  I was upset with myself for being here when here no longer has a future.   

I knew i needed an attitude adjustment. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Im in fucking Paris – my favorite city in the world.  It may be my last time here this year..  I needed to snap out of this.

Thankfully i have amazing people in my life who can point me in the right direction.  A short convo with Jnsa did the trick and once again my heart is full and grateful.

For now, I am here. Time to be present.

I’ve been granted 6 weeks in this amazing city.  A year full of work and adventures about to unfold.   Sweet, kind and lovely people to call my friends.  On Sunday I brunch with my girlfriends (14 in attendence) with whom i have been lucky to get to know these last  2+ years.   

This is my life?!

Xo

March 3, 2015

I packed up my room today. For the last 4 months I didn’t want to get settled here. I didn’t want this to feel like home because it is always so hard to leave again. Momma D told me I could bring more stuff, decorate if I wanted. I kept it simple. Just clothes I would wear.. just the stuff I need daily. Life simplified. That is, until I started packing up and I realized I needed two extra suitcases just to get everything back to my parents house. haha.. oh well.

I have loved my time here with the N family. Words are not enough. I am just so grateful for them.

Aside from a moment of panic that lasted 2 minutes I have successfully not had a meltdown this time.
Once I had unloaded all my belongings and organized my suitcase I was set. My mom even commented how calm I was.

Why did I decide to go to Paris for so long? I feel like I have met someone wonderful and I don’t want to let it go.

If he is wonderful like I think, perhaps he will be willing to wait for me.

We’ll see.

Time, you have been kind to me. Please find me in your favor once again. <3

Paris Paris Paris. Home home home. Je me manque mon maison. Maison dans mon couer.

February 28, 2015

A table that seats four, with five place mats and matching silverware.
We had spaghetti and meatballs. a bottle of red was opened that Dad and I shared. It felt like home. Like any home. Like family.

Later that evening he said “I realize we didn’t really talk about the fact that you were” meeting the parents”.. I hope that wasn’t too stressful for you.
I laughed to myself and considered showing him my text message I had sent earlier to my girlfriends that read “my arm pits are soo sweaty”. (I didn’t.)

Anticipation always gets the best of me.. but in the moment I was at ease and comfy in the elbow to elbow casual American family kitchen dining experience. His dad turns to me as he is leaving the kitchen to retire for the evening. Settlers of Catan has been busted out and and K and brother are setting up the pieces. “Sarah it was really great to meet you. I hope we see a whole lot more of you around here.”

We went to breakfast at a little family diner in Old Folsom with brother. It was simple and comfortable. As it should be.
He gave me a card with a hand written note that included a necklace I had eyed while in Santa Cruz.

He also told me he is unable to come to Paris. Despite his wishes and best intentions he cannot make it work. I’m disappointed, but also relieved. Paris is mine and I don’t really like sharing her with someone else. ..Or her me, actually.

“Will you write me?” He asked

“Of course! Email or snail mail?”

“Both please.”

:)

“See you in two months!”

“Uh, you make it sound so far away. Let’s say 7 weeks.”

“See you in two months” he said.

I spent the rest of the day floating. So nice it is to feel this way every once in a while.
I’ll soak it up while it lasts.

February 23, 2015

It was one of those rare dreams that strikes you so strongly you wake up and can’t shake it off of you.

I arrived midday after a bit of traffic. I had photographed a baby that morning so the day was already long.

I hadn’t even stepped past the car yet and we were sitting on the bumper deep in conversation about the topic of relationships and our pasts. We felt the sun move on our skin and grabbed the bikes, towels and headed to the beach.

Margarita happy hour, a bike ride back to the house to trade in the for the vespa. We chased the sunset up the coastline and climbed over a fence to grab a better view of the waves on the cliffs. A giggly snuggly ride home again followed by making dinner and a fire.

We went out for cocktails and dessert. I just met this person and i feel as if i’ve known them.. Since forever.

We sipped cups of coffee out of ceramic mugs in the early morning air watching the surfers taste the sea.

“I’ll see you in Paris” he said. But we’ve not spoken of details of what/when/how…

Was I kind? Was i giving? Was i honest? Was i myself? The questions that swirl my head over the next few days.

In my dream i had met someone who was the other half of my soul; free, alive, breathing, strong, caring and funny. And then i met someone who was financially secure, grounded, wanting to take care of me home-house-children, but did not share my heart. I had to choose one.

February 16, 2015

Back to back to back to back photo sessions this week. 6 sessions in 10 days and I am doing my bestest to keep up with it all.

A Valentines day that was just as great as any other day. Sweet smiles from dear friends and and a non mushy snoopy video card from boy. Perfect.

I was photographing a wedding with Momma D in Palo Alto. A text message from the boy inviting us for tea and a view of the ocean since proximity was just too tempting. Momma D was up for the adventure so we accepted. Fast forward two hours and there I was post sushi dinner drinking our green tea whilst sitting on a park bench overlooking the Santa Cruz ocean with Momma D and boy.

February 12, 2015

This week has been trips down memory lane and work work work.

My childhood best friend is about to have a baby. I spent the day helping her get her house prepared. We found a box of letters from through the years and discovered the first letter I ever sent her.. 22 years ago as 9 year old little kid. It was so cute and mad me laugh until I cried.

Texts from Boy. I’m unsure.. but he is really sweet, and really kind, good looking, funny.. Marci is calling me out and saying I’m looking for things wrong with him so I don’t have to get invested. ugh…

This year is booking up fast. Work hard play hard here I come!

Words collected lately..

“It’s possible, we proved it, for two to disappear into the one of each other and in the process never lose ourselves.” TKG

If you dont know what you love, you are lost. – Murakami

“My gift to you will be an abyss, she said,
but it will be so subtle you’ll perceive it only after many years have passed
and you are far from Mexico and Me.
You’ll find it when you need it most, and that won’t be
the happy ending,
but it will be an instant of emptiness and joy.
and maybe then you’ll remember me,
if only just a little.” Balano