“Let’s” – Together we go.
A last few days…
I had lunch with Jason with PLU and we discussed visas, arts in Paris and grassroots activism. I really appreciate seeing / hearing other peoples perspectives of their or other’s worlds. Or seeing yourself through their filter. Bigger picture and wider vision is oh so important.
Time to reset my own perspective once again.
First of all… I saw and realized my own needs over the last 6 weeks. My freedom, independence and personal space are vital to my singular contentedness. These are basic human rights no?
Second of all I realized how much of an awful and selfish person I am. Short tempered, impatient, ungracious. Self conscience, anxious. Considering the moment I’ll allow my self the self loathing.
I can hardly stand to see myself. It’s a wonder Amel put up with me for so long.
I love this woman dearly.
After lunch I went to craft café and worked like a dog and knocked some serious work out. Amel met up with me and we took crepes just around the corner. We were joined by a French Algerian girl whose arm was in a sling. She was a baby (22) and had more sass and gumption than most grown men I know.
From there I met up with Rapha for a post work drink. It was great to see him and catch up. 3 years of time was evident on him. No longer the white sneakers and tshirt or suit that didn’t fit. Before me was a man, close shaven beard – fancy shoes and slick blazer carrying his briefcase. We talked of his girlfriends (a few of which I’ve met) and how happy he is and hopeful with the current. He was the first person I met when I arrived in Paris 3 years ago. He too “feels like home”.. fun memories and the time and space that was shared at that flat will be with me always. I’m glad I didn’t stay there this time. It was (and is) time to move on to create the next chapter. When we parted ways he showed me a photo of all my Paris postcards that are on their living room wall. He told me that they will all be moving out soon and for sure will fight over how to split them up.
I always leave Paris feeling “unfinished”. I always want and need more time there.
My final day was breakfast with Amel and our favorite L’industrie. We walked Bastille and laid in the grass under the pink blossom trees an lined the canal. The weather has finally turned fucking gorgeous and every tree bud is a bright green. What once was a cold and skeletal gray paris is no popping with color. Everyone feels it and all the terrasses and are bursting with people.
I walked seine, isle saint maire, over to Hotel De Ville and went to the Magnum exposition there. I bought Amel and present and then walked home through the marais taking pictures along the way. One last stop in place de Vosges and I can hardly recognize the place since spring was now in full force.
Almost complete silence from Kyle in the last 10 days. I felt the distance too strongly and decided to say something. Maybe is better to face these things head on and but response I got was a devastating one. He’s decided to move back to Colorado. In simple enough words he said “I can’t fall for someone like you”. “someone like me” I said?” “gypsy” was his response.
I thanked him for his honesty and let a tear fall.
Like hozier said “ every day I fall in love, I fall in love a little more every day”. I suppose by letting myself fall 2 times a year isn’t that bad. It’s nice to feel those things every once in a while.
I had made reservations for 4 people at a crepery that had been recommended by the farm. Ambroise, Lili, Amel and I savored the deliciousness. These three people have meant so much to me this trip and I wouldn’t have wanted my last evening any other way.
I’m on my way to Vegas to rendezvous with my favorite Australian I met in a hostel in London over a year ago. I love this sweet sassy girl and I’m so excited to spend her 30th birthday with her. Esther is joining me as well as Angie. It will be a great time for sure.
Culture R was bursting with people. Their space made up for the dropping temperatures of outside. I needed a kind, comforting males presence and Ambroise was just that. He told me of a rooftop bar nearby and we wandered over and ordered fancy cocktails and tried our best to communicate through our lack of the other’s language ability. Amel, Ambroise, Esther and I are going to meet up in NYC in just over a month from now. I cannot wait.
Amel met up with us at the hipster beer bar around the corner. We drank fancy brews and bitched about whatever giggling about every other thing in-between until the bar closed.
I don’t want to leave. I love these people and this city and this way of life. I don’t want to leave.